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Who Has The Best Football Name In America?

Colt McCoy is Gunslanging

Colt McCoy?

Internet, that just sounds like a Gunslanging name. Did his parents name him after a pistol? I don’t know what the McCoy’s were thinking, but Colt sure has been living up to his name. Colt has been posting up Heisman like numbers, and he has greatly reduced his turnovers. He has thrown 16 TD’s and rushed for 4TD’s (including one where he killed two guys, check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uPDGFFJj3E) I have to give it to Colt. He has been playing great, his Longhorns look excellent, and If he can get things done tomorrow in Dallas against an excellent OU team, than Colt deserves a lot more then America’s best football name. He deserves the Heisman.

As If Tim Tebow Doesn’t Do Enough..

As If Tim Tebow Doesnt Have Enough To Worry About

Oh Geez. Internet, this is ludicrous. As If Timmy doesn’t have enough to worry about. Winning games? Winning the Heisman, again. How about competing for a national championship? What about maintaining a 2.0 so he can continue to play? What about continuing to be a model citizen? 3rd and longs? 4th and shorts? The kid does enough. Now a local pastor says “I’m going to pray that [Tebow] is true to his faith because if he falls and gets caught up in some kind of scandal it will be bad for Christianity,” Bad for Christianity? Come on. Tebow does MORE  than enough. He spent the summer in the Philippines, assisting with his father’s orphanage and missionary work. How many college football players spend their summer’s doing that? Not many.

If anything, that pastor should post a sign asking his followers to pray to be more like Tim Tebow.

Good Lord.

Tebow has somethings that all members of all races, religions, and different walks of life should pray for. It doesn’t matter if your Catholic, Jewish, Protestant, Muslim, Rastafarian, or even one of Tom Cruise’s sciencetologists. Like his supposed girlfriend. Internet, that’s something we can all pray for. Amen to that.

Tgemayel’s Heisman List

Hello Hello Internet,

What a Lovely day today is. I woke up this morning, the sky was perfect, the sea breeze was crisp, sweet, and delicious and Tweetie bird was chirping along. But as great as I am feeling, I know a few fellows that are probably having better days than myself. Lets face it Internet, every day there are hundreds of college football players who walk around like they are reincarnations of Jesus, Buddha, and Walt Disney combined. They dont have to buy meals, kids ask for their autographs, and they get more high fives and girls number’s then Brad Pitt. And who is at the top of this lucky list? Tgemayels Heisman Hopefuls of course.

Mizzou's Chase Daniels

Leading My Heisman Hopeful’s list is Mizzou Quarterback Chase Daniels. Chase has been flat out spectacular so far this season. He has completed 101-of-133 of his passes for 1,412 yards. He has also thrown 12 Touchdown and has only thrown 1 Interception Daniel’s has even added some rushing yards with 14 rushes for 74 yards. Daniels is currently my front runner for the Heisman but he and the Tigers have some challenges to overcome this season If he wants to hold onto first place. The Tigers have to head down to Texas to play the Quarterback Colt McCoy and the #5 Longhorns in what should be a huge game. If the Tigers can pull out with a win in Texas, and beat Oklahoma in the BIG-12 Championship game, Mr. Daniels will be known as Mr. Heisman, and The Tigers may very well be on their way to a national championship

Oklahoma's Sam Bradford

Meet Norman’s most eligible bachelor, Sam Bradford. Oklahoma’s Heisman Hopeful is only a sophomore but as Tim Tebow proved last season, age is nothing but a number. Bradford sure has produced Heisman like numbers. In just four games, Bradford has completed 83-of-115(72.2) of his passes for 1293 yards. He has also tossed up 16 touchdowns and thrown only two interceptions. Oh, and his OU Sooners are also ranked #1 in the nation. Its only September though, and Bradford still has to knock off #5 Texas, #7 Texas Tech, and #16 Kansas. As if that isn’t tough enough, the Sooners will also most likely have to play a Mizzou team that has revenge on it’s mind. If the Sooner’s can make it through their incredibly tough schedule, I will hand Sam the Heisman myself.

Michigan State's Javon Ringer

Last and my overall favorite on this list is Michigan State Running Back Javon Ringer. Internet, every Saturday without fail, Javon Ringer gets it done.I don’t know how Javon Ringer get out of bed on Sundays? How is he still able to walk, let alone play football the next week? You take any man and hand him a football that often and he would be in a wheel chair already. He has carried the ball 143 times in 5 games. That is almost 30 per game. The closest running back to matching his carries is 30 behind. Internet, that means Ringer could take a Saturday off, and probably still lead in carries. Ringer has rushed for a total of 699 yards and 11 TDs. He also has 4 receptions for 37 yards and 9 kickoff returns for 200 yards. This kid does it all. If Michigan State can piece together a few signature wins, this kid deserve the Heisman. His body deserves the Heisman. I’m putting it out there right now Internet, and you take it or leave it, but no single football player is as important as Javon Ringer is to Michigan State. None. Not Tebow. Not Beanie. Not Sanchez. Ringer is so involved in the offense that even T.O. would be satisfied.

Tgemayel’s True Colors

Sorry Internet.

I am just not sold. Go Ahead Saban, through in a steak dinner and some nice post meal entertainment but I still wont shift my opinion. Yes, you did beat #3 Georgia. Yes, you are #2 in the nation. Yes, it does look like Saban has turned around your program in a year. Yes, you made Heisman candidate Knowshon Moreno look like Noshow Moreno. Indeed Internet, these do look like impressive feats to the untrained football eye. Its a good thing I have an eagle eye.

How Long Till Nick Saban Rolls Onto Something Else Tide Fans?

Many of you may be reading this article wondering, where exactly is this going Tgemayel? Well my faithful readers, my true colors are being exposed. And damnit, these colors dont run. I have a question for the Bobby Petrinos and the Nick Saban’s of this world. What happened to morals? What happened to class? What happened to keeping your word? You know what, College football needs more JoePa’s. Maybe a little younger, but you know what I mean. That JoePa aura. His class. I am not naive, it is clear that Nick Saban is one of the best college recruiters in the nation, and he is clearly a brillant coach. But ask yourself, is that enough? How do you measure success. Oh yes internet, I am going down that road. Welcome to morality boulevard, where Nick Saban’s car has often broke down. Dont let temporary success blind you. Now, Tide fans, you may be reading this and think that I am unfair. I have two things to say; The first is yes, this is a biased article. (I am from Miami, enough said.) and the second is ever since Nick Saban left to your school I use Gain on my laundry. And you know what Tide Fans? Out of the wash, It smells like beautiful, Delicious, reliability. Go ahead. Wiff it.

Attention Internet

TheSportsZoo welcomes the newest animal to our staff. Nuture him Internet.

A change is among us. One of close friends GLindberg has officially become the second writer of TheSportsZoo and will begin covering baseball. He is currently a student at the University Of South Florida and he is pursuing a career in Journalism. So I said to myself, what better place to start Internet? I hope you guys enjoy GLindbergs writing, enthusiam, and cheery nature. Feel free to email me any questions you may have about Baseball and I will gladly pass them on to GLindberg.

 

Feel Free to give GLindberg a loving, Zoo Welcome

Fling poop, scream, run wild. Do what you do, you Animals.

MLB Preview

GLindberg’s MLB Postseason Preview:

As we approach the final days of September, the MLB playoffs are about to be in full swing.

Four of baseball’s six divisions are still up for grabs. In the AL East, the surprising Tampa Bay Rays are neck-and-neck with the Red Sox in a battle for the division crown. The loser in that two-team race will probably get the AL wild card. A similar scenario in the AL Central has had the White Sox and Twins sharing the division lead over the last several weeks, and the team that does not win that division could also clinch the wild card.

In the National League, it appears that the Mets and Phillies will go down to the wire in the NL East, while the Dodgers and Diamondbacks will fight to win the NL West – baseball’s weakest division. Its teams have struggled to maintain winning records all season long, but it looks like Joe Torre’s new squad has the advantage at the this point in the season.

Meanwhile in the NL Central, a race that once was hot has quickly turned cold. The Cubs should easily win the division and will finally play in the postseason again as they attempt to put an end to 100 years of suffering that Cubs fans have endured since the team’s last World Series title in 1908. The Brew Crew still has a great shot at earning the NL’s wild card thanks in large part to their acquisition of C.C. Sabathia. The veteran southpaw has yet to lose a game with them and sports a dazzling ERA under 2. But the Brewers will have to fight over that wild card spot with the team that finishes second in the tight NL East race, although the Astros and Cardinals aren’t far behind Milwaukee in the central, either.

Out west, the Angels have already clinched their fourth division title in five seasons. Los Angeles pulled away in the AL West long ago from the division’s three other weak teams and are on pace to finish with the best record in baseball.

The push for the playoffs is on. With only one team officially headed for the postseason with two weeks to go, it should make for some great baseball down the stretch.

College Football Recap (Week Two)

The Gator Nation waited a long time for this victory.

Randy Shannon, U.. Lost. So much for the “game of the week” Internet. Coach Shannon and the University Of Miami Hurricanes didn’t leave the swamp with a victory, but Shannon did manage to produce more wine then Napa Valley. Randy Shannon was upset after the game because he felt that Head Coach Urban Meyer and the Gators ran up the score. There is only one word that describes my feeling on this Internet. That word is Duh. Internet, ask any of the girls you have dated, and they will tell you Chivalry is dead. The same applies for college football. A 9 to 6 win just isnt interesting, and quite frankly, it is logical. This is the BCS era, and whether the ranking system is flawed or not, the fact of the matter is, the more you pummel an opponent, the higher your ranking is the following Monday. That’s just the way it is Randy, my apologizes. That being said, the score did not truly reflect the way the game went. The Gators may looked like they dominated on paper, or on ESPN’s highlight reel, but they actually played some solid football. Coach Shannon definitely has a storm brewing down their in the gables. Heads up to everybody in the ACC, Sean Spence is an animal, and its only a matter of time before he is the centerpiece of a Hurricane defense that will carry them back to prominence.

Quick Hits

• The real “game of the week” was probably The East Carolina Pirates whooping #8 West Virginia’s..uh.. booty. Thanks ECU, you confirmed that the Big East no longer has any credibility.
• Speaking of ECU Internet, did you see the cops in the stadium beat up students rushing the field? I guess the police force isn’tused to victory celebrations of that caliber that often..
• Hey Internet, did you catch the Vandy vs South Carolina game? If you did, you probably saw South Carolina quarterback Chris Smelley and the Gamecocks stinking it up.
• How about Ohio State almost losing to Ohio University! It was close for a while, but a punt return sealed a Buckeye victory. The Buckeye’s better hope Chris Wells is ready for this weekends showdown with Southern Cal or things could get ugly.
• Oklahoma’s Sam Bradford was a gunslinger this weekend and led the Sooners to victory with 5 touchdowns through the air against what was supposed to be an excellent Cincinnati secondary
• Here’s my recap on Missouri’s game: Chase Daniels and Jeremy Maclin are disgusting.
• Wisconsin trampled Marshall 51-14, and P.J. Hill only had 57 yards on the ground. I guess Wisconsin can throw. Who knew?
• Alabama won 20 to 6 against Tulane, and the Tide looked solid. But perhaps the most impressive performance was that of Nick Saban, who still hasn’t run out on Alabama yet. Wow.
• Kansas beat Louisiana Tech 29 to 0, and Quarterback Todd Reesing threw for a career high 412 yards. Wide receiver Dezmon Briscoe had a highlight touchdown run in which he broke six tackles. After the game Head Coach Mark Mangino took the whole team out for pizza.. and chicken wings.. and ice cream
• Im sure you have seen this one on ESPN Internet, but Washington’s Jake Locker was penalized for “excessive celebration” against BYU when he threw the ball in the air after scoring with 2 seconds left on the clock to tie the game. The 15 yard penalty knocked the Huskies back on their PAT try which was blocked for the BYU victory. I thought this was a horrible call by the official Internet. Jake Locker didnt even look at the ball! He was just caught up in the moment. My heart goes out to the Huskie Nation.
• Oregon stomped Utah state 66-24. Dennis who? Stewart what?
• Wake Forest’s Kicker Sam Swank has more clutch then a Ferrari, and he added some more to his resume when he booted a game winning field goal through the up rights to edge Ole Miss.
• Illinois Juice Williams was freshly squeezed for the Eastern Illinois game and made it look like a track meet when he ran for 174 yards
• USF had to fight off UCF in overtime. The final battle went out in dramatic fashion, with the Bulls capping a victory by stopping the Knights on 4th down. Matt Grothe, whose 22nd birthday was the next day, may have started doing birthday shots before the game.
• Californias Jahvid Best was a Beast against Washington State, rushing for 200 yards and 3 touchdowns on just 14 carries, leading the Golden Bears to a 66-3 victory. I guess he was taking notes while watching a certain someone named Marshawn Lynch. You may have heard of him Internet.

College Football Recap (Week One)

Internet, peer out your windows, it’s a beautiful labor day.

And thank god for labor day. It’s a wonderful day in which we can rest, wash off all that excess body paint still stuck in explicit places, and do something nice for your wife or girlfriend, since you have neglected her all weekend. Most importantly of all, it’s a day in which every college football fan across the nation can reflect on their teams performance. If you’re a fan of the ACC, you may still be laying in bed, wallowing in your sorrows. If you’re a fan of the SEC, you too may still be laying in bed, wallowing In your post-celebration hangover. And if you are one of those “fans” that happened to just catch the highlights of your “team” on sports center because you were “too busy” doing something else this weekend, then please, get off my website. For the rest of you real men and women on my site, here are Tgemayel’s weekend quick hits

 

 

 

Well, at least Clemson quarterback Cullen Harper doesnt have to worry about living up to his preseason hype anymore.

The real story this weekend is the upset of the Alabama Clemson game. Internet, I don’t know how this happened. Ispent the majority of my Friday night talking crap to Alabama fans only to see what was an embarrassing performance by the Tigers. Incredibly embarrassing. Internet, I wont lie, I feel a bit stupid. I ranked the Clemson running back tandem of James Davis and C.J. Spiller as the best in the country (oh geez) and they had a total of 20 yards (and please dont get me started on why they only had a combined 8 carries) The rest of the team was sluggish on both sides of the ball. Quarterback Cullen Harper and his offense went no where, and the #9 Clemson Tigers just fell apart. Internet, I guess we just have to give this one to Alabama fans. Congratulations Tide fans, roll on. I guess you could be excited. Nick Saban looks like he pulled in an excellent recruiting class. But the same Nick Saban question applies. Can he finish? does he ever finish anything? I would answer no. (check the Miami Dolphins)

Highfive to: C.J. Spiller who took the opening kickoff of the second half to the house.

Virginia Tech lost its season opener to Eastern Carolina University by a blocked field goal returned for a touchdown. You have to love that Irony Internet. (Final Score: 22-27)

 

 Pitt came out against Bowling Green on fire in the first quarter, but Bowling Green doused the flame by shutting down star Tailback Lesean Mccoy in the second and left Heinz field with a W. (Final Score: 27-17)

Ohio State rolled over Jim Tressels Alma mater Youngstown State, but it was a painful opener for the Buckeyes as well when Heisman hopeful Beanie Wells went down with an injury (Final Score: 43-0)

The Trojans made the Virginia Cavaliers look like a Pee Wee football team. Their defense clearly as good as predicted and the depth of their running backs is sickening. (Final Score: 52-7)

Mizzou’s Chase Daniels played a pretty good game, but Jeremy Maclin’s two returns won Missouri the game. Oh, by the way, jury’s out on this one, Juice Willaims can play some football. (Final Score: 52-42)

The Gators looked pretty solid in their home opener against Hawaii, who just couldn’t get anything done without golden boy Colt Brennan (Final Score: 56-10)

 

Matt Groethe, George Selvie and the rest of the Bulls crushed Middle-Tennessee, whose only touchdown came from a fumble by freshman QB B.J. Daniels (Final Score: 56-7)

 

 

Appalachian State shocked the college football world last season with a win against #5 Michigan. Louisiana State made sure that history would not repeat itself and crushed the Mountaineers even without a qualified quarterback. (Final Score: 43-10)

 

The University Of Utah brought down the Big House, and for the second straight time Michigan has lost its home opener. The Rich Rodriguez era has started as sour in Ann Arbor as it ended in Morgantown. (Final Score:25-23

Stanford Head Coach Jim Harbaugh and the Cardinals defeated the Oregon State Beavers making football the most exciting thing to happen on campus since they added the  Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (Final Score: 36-28)

Texas looked great while routing FAU. Colt McCoy was the games leading rusher and the Longhorns didn’t commit a single turnover. Ready for the Red River Shoot our Longhorn fans?(Final Score: 52-10)

West Virginia fans have learned that new head coach Bill Stewart is a man of his word. He said QB Pat White is going to throw the ball more this season. Opponent Villanova watched all five of Pat Whites touchdown passes sail over their heads. (Final Score: 48-21)

The Sooners took out some of that post-season failure on Chattanooga. Now if only the Sooners could pull together for, i don’t know, a bowl game victory? (Final Score: 57-2)

 

 

All the Analyst’s who said Oregon’s defense was a cause for concern were right. They are a cause for concern for the other team though. Washington’s Jake Locker learned first hand. (Final Score: 44-10)

JoePa and the Nittany Lions gave Coastal Carolina some hands on experience on why you should respect your elders. (Final Score 66-10)

NCAA Bests: Offensive Positional Breakdowns

Oh yes Internet, college football is here, and to celebrate its arrival I’m going to rank every offensive position’s best player. Come along with me.

Dual-Threat QB: Tim Tebow, Florida. The reigning Heisman trophy winner is one of the most prolific players in NCAA History, putting up 32 passing touchdowns, and 23 rushing touchdowns last season.

Pro-Style QB: Matthew Stafford, Georgia . He has all the tools to take his team to the national title. This kid will be playing on Sundays for many years to come

Running Back: Chris Wells, Ohio State. Wells rushed for 1,609 yards last season, and he was injured. Defensive coordinators will have nightmares trying to stop this guy.

Wide Receiver: Jeremy Maclin, Missouri. Maclin is as dangerous as he is versatile. He was the only player in the nation to score by a run from scrimmage, a catch, a kick return and a punt return.

Wide Receiver: Micheal Crabtree, Texas Tech. Crabtree won the triple crown for receptions, yards, and touchdowns, leading all receivers in the nation. Amazing stats for a redshirt freshman.

 Wide Receiver: Aaron Kelly, Clemson Tigers. Kelly skipped out on the NFL Draft to come back to school. Why? So he could break the ACC record for receptions.

Tight End:Travis Beckum, Wisconsin. Beckum led all tight ends in receiving yards last season, and at 6’4 is a great red zone target

Offensive Lineman: Alex Mack, Cal Berkley. The 2007 winner of the Rimington Trophy, given to the nations best lineman. At 6’4 316 he is an excellent representation of his schools mascot.